What is Marriage by Eguriase S. M. Okaka (BOM)

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?

By Eguriase S. M. Okaka Marriage is the coming together and the joining together of a man and a woman as husband and wife in holy matrimony i.e., a state which is considered morally and spiritually perfect. If they are so joined they have become man and wife who are expected to live together forever till the end of time. Note that, these persons coming together are not animals or persons of same sex as the case may be with some group of people but opposite sexes e.g. a man and a woman who are not minors but adults i.e. fully grown human beings with sensibilities and accountabilities. He who made them made them male and female and declares therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cling unto his wife and they both shall become one flesh. The emphasis here is ‘wife’ not ‘wives’. But some schools of thought are getting married to more than one wife, i.e. Polygamy. These two persons came from different backgrounds, families, tribes, and culture. These are strong factors one should consider before going into any marriage relationship with anybody; will I be able to cope with this man or woman with his or her differences? We should be able to get the right answer to the aforementioned questions, because we all grew up with differences over the years. Hitherto we believed in various things (seen or unseen) about ourselves and live with them. How can we live with our new partner with these beliefs or ideas about existence? (The man or the woman if properly married now has become the new family). Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cling unto the woman and they both shall become one flesh. That is the word from the Maker that gives us a strong reason to marry and live together. Family Trait A small group of related people living together in a place; it is usually made up of a father, mother and their children as in the case of a unclear family. Families differ from each other as no two families behaved alike. There are some characteristics common to various people and families these characteristics are not always the same they differ from family to family and person to person as the case may be. Let us differentiate it by saying that it is trait A for Family A and trait B for Family B. Family A may be that easy-going-type why Family B may be a quarrelsome-type. The former may find it very easy to associate with people why the latter will always find it difficult to associate with people because of their character trait. These characters will always rob on many of the off-springs of that family expect they become otherwise not affected by such as few cases have shown. When some people will say are you sure you really came from that family because your character is different from those who come from that family. Talking of family traits you will find that no two families are really the same in character. Family A is different from family B that goes on to the other families in the globe. When a man and a woman come from any of the aforementioned families they bring their diverse ways, beliefs, and thoughts into the marriage and hold to it; if care is not taken to solve their diversities will be difficult rather they get into bigger quarrels and disagreements most times. This may be one of the reasons why some couple fights endlessly because their differences are trying to claim superiority over the other. That leads us to the next item which is Family Beliefs. Family Beliefs There are pluralized beliefs in my country Nigeria. The constitution recognized them. No one could be arrested for practicing any religion provided it is not harmful to their fellow human beings or against the laws guiding the country. Some are Christians why others are Muslims and why some are Traditional religion worshippers. All three religions are recognized in my country and many of our people belong to either one or the other. Beliefs are important factor to consider before jumping into marrying anybody. Ask yourself can I live with her in spite of her religious beliefs? If ‘yes’ is the answer then go ahead, but if ‘no’ is the answer then stop and have a rethink before you take a decision. Beliefs are important in marriage. I believe that whatever religion you belong to influences your character and controls you. Here, I can mention two aspect of our being been controlled by our religious beliefs that is, the forces of light and the forces of darkness. The forces of light influence all good characters of a man or a woman. Why the forces of darkness influences all bad characters of a man or a woman. Every human species are controlled by these two forces irrespective of the belief you belong to. If you take an in-depth view of life and the human thoughts you find out that no two human beings think the same. We are different holding divergent views of life and its existence. So it is with marriage spouses and their religious beliefs influence them either positively or negatively. Before getting married considers the religion of whom you are getting married to, to avoid religious conflict in the home. On no account should a couple fight or quarrel. Quarrel would start from here and hate for each other would also ensue. So let us guide against anything that could cause dislikes from now on. Why Marry?

“And God said, Let us make man in our image and likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over everything that moveth upon the earth.” (Genesis 1: 26, 27 and 28). He who made the man and the woman has a purpose for making them so. He said: it is not good that the man should be alone I will make him a helpmate. We can say that the first purpose of marriage is for companionship. So He created the woman for the man (Adam and Eve) the foremost creatures. When God created the Animals He made them in pair i.e. male and female species. When Noah finished building the Ark He asked him to put all kind of animals inside, this is for a purpose too. There is a purpose for everything created by God on earth. That tells you that God is not purposeless He has a reason for creating man and the animal’s male and female alike. Procreation is the second reason as the case may be. By procreation we refer to bringing off-springs after one’s kind. This is one reason why God created the male being and the female being to produce off-springs after their kind. For example, a man and a woman comes together to produce a baby through copulation by both sexes the male and the female. Animals also get their off-springs through the same process. The world is made for humans to dwell in for a longtime or many years to come. That is another reason why God wants us to multiply and replenished the earth for continuity and sustenance for the coming generations. Continuity is a big factor if man will stay in the world for a long while.

And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18). So God in his wisdom made a woman for the man and both were companions living together in the Garden of Eden. The man was no longer lonely as he now has who to share his thoughts with. This is the reason why we can talk of marriage as a union of companionship between a man and his wife or a woman. Sexual Needs of both male and female: Man as a living being responds to sexual stimulations at times like this the woman comes in to play her role as a wife. That is not to say that the woman does not have desires as well she does like the man. The coming together of the man and the woman may result into pregnancy and subsequently child birth. Taking Care of the home: Man’s needs do not end at child birth but continues even after the birth of the child. It is the woman, who takes care of the child or children as the case may be. She is always at home taking care of the home while the man goes to work and provides for the daily needs of their family. In some cases the women can work and also contribute her quarter for the up keep of the home too. Well, most men do not want their wife’s to work for reasons best known to them. Marriage is honorable. The fulfillment of every man’s dream is when he gets married to a woman no wonder the man and the woman are always very happy on that day, their friends and family members are happy with them too. This usually come after he has done everything humanly possible to become a man for example, going to college and graduating with a splendid degree from the University and gainfully employed with a good job at least, one that can cater for his family. He goes ahead in life by spending the rest of his life with a woman who he can call his own. Before The Marriage Ceremony – Relationship and Agreement

There should always be a relationship and agreement between a man and a woman coming together as would-be husband and wife. A relationship may be long-term, short-term or even immediate as the case may be with some people provided there is a relationship which gives them the opportunity to study and know themselves well enough to live together as spouse. The relationship serves as a study ground for both parties to know each other’s character and their dos and don’ts. Remember, I said earlier in this article that these two persons came from different backgrounds therefore they behave differently so it is very proper for their relationship to unite these differences together. The relationship between both parties should be able to solve or cure their character differences before the marriage is consummated whether traditionally or religiously. In times like this, bad habits are usually noticed by them and quickly corrected with the right habit but in cases where they are ignored that will further create a cause or contention in the marriage. No human being is born perfect we all learn perfection from the good precepts of others. When two people come together it is expected that they are diverse in many ways these diversities are taken into considerations and strike a balance between them. Knowing each other very well is one important factor that needs to be done before you go ahead in marrying anybody. There is no reason why you should marry a stranger if that is the case then get ready for the problems that might create. So you should know if not everything at least, something about who you are going to spend your life with where good or bad. A wise man once said: “There is no holy woman out there and there is no holy man out there too.” Agreement is the first and most important factor between two or more people if they would ever walk together they must first agree to do so. According to the holy book in Amos chapter 3:3 states, Can two walk together, except they be agreed? The key word here is ‘agreement’ it is true that nothing can be done without agreement or agreeing to do so. In any marriage relationship there is always agreement first before both the man and woman can actually walk together. The absence of agreement means no relationship or marriage in the first place. During the Marriage Ceremony – Planning and Spending After agreeing to walk together as man and wife the next thing is planning and spending for the marriage ceremony as the case may be. It is advisable that when planning or spending for a wedding ceremony you should sew your coat according to your clothe. Exorbitant spending is not too good for the new couple because they are expected to cater for their new home. In a situation where they have spent so much in their marriage ceremony the home will suffer lack of some basic needs this is not too good for the newly wedded couple. This stress might create opportunity for an early discord to take place in the home. Discord is never a good omen for any home or family because of the dangers it carries along. When a man accuses the bride’s family of being too demanding during their marriage ceremony it may cause quarrel early enough in the home that will make him see his wife like another property in the midst of his properties at home. If this is so then the discord has been established. Issues like these may caused breakage or divorce too early although divorce is never too early or late it is rather bad when it happens. I can make endless list of divorce and it’s never pleasing effects. After the Marriage Ceremony – Facing the Realities of life

In most cases what we see with many couple before the marriage is consummated are pretence to each other. It is after the marriage ceremony that you often see the realities of both man and wife it often happened soon after the ceremony at the reception hall or ground. Do you know that many women nags and many men are womanizers as well but during their courtships or relationships an opportunity was provided to correct one another’s abnormities? But these abnormities was hidden so that none of them could find out these bad characters about either of them. This is why some school of thoughts says that courtship can be deceitful at times. Since this abnormities could not be cured during courtship or relationship rather was hidden from each other by their own selfish selves; I will suggest that you live with it. Your relationships ought to provide a room to correct whatever defects you have rather both of you hid it from each other. That is pretence which is never ideal for the man or the woman. Some marriages are passing through difficulties today because of this type of issue staring them on their faces. A pretentious situation is a dangerous one in a marriage which means that both are hiding something from the other party. When such issue is discovered by them, it might cause a crack in the marriage. This crack leads to lack of trust for each other that is, a big ‘but’ in the home. Lack of trust for each other is never good for the home. It also shows that there is no love in the home.

Every marriage is built on love when love is missing in a marriage a big ingredient is missing in that marriage. Hate comes in likes an invited guest. That marriage is in a big trouble. Have you ever tasted a soup without salt how was it like? Definitely not too good I think that is the same situation in that marriage. Where there is no love hate exists there. If hate exists in a home that home is ruined. Hate is an intensive dislike for a person or something. Hate is murder. Whosoever hates his brother is a murderer. (1 John 3:15). That also goes for any man or woman who hates each other. None of us wants to be associated with a murderer that is why we should not hate anybody not even your spouse who is one flesh with you by marriage. Hate should be forbidden by all married couple as long as the relationship persists. If love is what brought both of you together, then where did hate enter? Let us continue in the love that first bind us together. Continue in that love forever and ever. Amen! MARRIAGE IS HONOURABLE IN ALL.

Looking at the society and the family you will find that every member of the society came from a home, comprising a father and a mother and otherwise known as a man and a woman together with their off- springs. Every member of the society came from a family that family makes up any society or community. It is the behaviors we give to our off springs that they carry into the society. That goes to say that the first teacher of a child are their parents and what they see them do that is what they will learn from and carry into the wider society. If we complain of vices in the society today, let us look into our various homes and know where it started from. Are you good to your wife? Is your wife good to you? Are you keeping the sanctity of marriage? Are you a wife beater? What are you teaching your children? How are you bringing them up? Are you bringing them up to be as good as you are or otherwise? Are you a good example to them? The honorability of marriage lies in what your marriage produces thereafter. Let’s think on these things! Thanks and God bless. By: Eguriase S. M. Okaka.