Wife Beater By Eguriase S. M. Okaka

 

WIFE BEATER

BY EGURIASE S. M. OKAKA

 

CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION

I

 Feel sad talking about this because this is one character that needs to be check by all human beings for conscience’s sake.  The term ‘’Wife Beater” is not a good word to use to describe anybody. It is the most despicable word to describe a person with especially a man.The term ‘Wife Beater’ refers to a man who beats his wife at the slightest provocation. At that particular time, most men may think that their wives are the cause of their predicaments in this life; which may not be correct. If a man sees his wife like this they hate and beat them regularly because of their premeditated hatred. They forgot that when two people come together they came with their different problems into the marriage relationships. The man has his own problems and the woman has her own too, so every relationship has problems to solve and solutions to reach and settled before the marriage boat can sail on smoothly. If he is so tagged then one can conclude that something is terribly wrong which is not ordinary. Some may be physical why others may be mental-physical. In essence, it is not ordinary for a man to beat his wife.

When a man beats a woman when both are in a relationship he will continue beating her when they get married. I have witnessed a case like this. This guy beats his wife and she said it started a long time ago and that made the woman be used to his beating. It is sad! Well, she said I still love him in spite of this immoral action. Many women are suffering silently in the name of love. Like this unnamed victim of love.

What happened to the love that brought these two persons together? That’s the reason why the case of a wife-beater is beyond the ordinary. He needs spiritual help and that help is just by your side, i.e.” The Holy Book”. You can search the Bible and find out how the Maker asked us to take care of our wives. If God Almighty did not permit you to beat your wife then why should you beat her?

And Adam said and I quote, “This is the bone of my bones, and the flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of me”. What a romantic declaration made by Adam the first man-made by the creator himself.  Your wife is a part of you. If you are beating her you are beating yourself. If you make her cry you make yourself cry. If you inflict jury on her you are hurting yourself too.

In this compendium, we shall see some factors that would make a man lay his hands on his wife.  Below are the likely causes:

 

CHAPTER TWO

EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS

E

xtra-Marital Affair simply refers to a man or a woman who keeps or leaves outside his or her marital home with either a man or a woman as the case may be. This kind of situation is not normal for those involved in it hence it is called an extra-marital affair which is more than usual. It is characterized by all manner of lies just to keep this affair between you and the other woman going. (When it is the case of a man or both)

When a man is seeing another woman outside he begins to see this woman as 100% better than his legally married wife. Men who do this are known as good wife beaters. If he sees the other woman better than his wife that provokes him and makes him beat her at every given opportunity even at the slightest mistakes coming from her which would not have warranted a beating like that.

There is this story of a woman who complained bitterly of her husband keeping late nights. She said; when we got married in the late 90s he became the best thing that has happened to me. Our marriage was blissful and exemplary to young couples. Many began to envy us and came for counsel because they wanted theirs to be like ours.

Soon after I became pregnant with our third child, the devil cast a spell on him and he starts complaining that I am losing my shape. Your figure ‘8’ is no longer there. You looked 20 years older than what I got married to a few years ago.

What I first noticed was his sudden change: he starts keeping late nights and starts making excuses upon excuses why he is keeping late nights. This is my husband who would not do anything reasonable without seeing me first now avoiding me. Something is definitely wrong somewhere I thought. So I told a friend who followed him behind and discovered what the matter is really. A woman is responsible for his late nights. She said.   So it is true! My suspicion is now a confirmed truth. When I confronted him he gave me the worse beating of my life.

It could only be a woman that would make a man tells lies as seriously as we have seen above.   A woman must be responsible for…..

 His late nights….

His flat tires…….

And his late-night meetings with his supposed ‘Boss’. It could only be a woman nothing more nothing less!

 

CHAPTER THREE

DRUG ABUSE

D

rug Abuse and Addiction have been a much-known factor for wife-beating and abuse. Taking some illicit drugs like cocaine, cannabis, etc. stimulates it, victims, into doing things out of control especially when it is taken indiscriminately. Crimes and criminalities in society have been traceable to taking such drugs. Some say it makes them high. Others say it makes them feel on top of the world. But actually speaking, it downplays whoever takes these drugs as most of them end up in a rehabilitation home after such drugs have bartered the best parts of their lives. Life is no more the same again for such persons.

At such moment a man who takes these illicit drugs might see his wife as a pouncing bag because she is the closest object he sees around him. Some women suffer terribly from such men abusers, and they can testify to this: that no man who takes drugs is a normal human being.

There is this case of a woman who was given a serious beating after her husband took cocaine and some other hard drugs intending to free himself from trouble but end up creating a bigger problem for himself. This guy beats his wife to stupor and neighbors who rushed to the scene to rescue the situation took away this woman to the hospital where she was admitted for some days.

Who did this to you? The Doctor said.

My husband, said the Patient.

Gosh! He exclaimed.

If that is the case your husband needs help. Tell me to see me tomorrow. The doctor puts in.

Okay, doctor.

 

CHAPTER FOUR

WHAT HAPPENED TO LOVE

W

hen a man loves a woman he thinks about her every passing moment of the day and the night. Even when he is sleeping his heart still goes for her. It only means that she has become the pivot of his life.

Love is a force that oscillates human activities. There are two of these forces: hate and love. These two are opposite of the other. One is positive of the other and the other is negative towards the other as well. They walk vice versa i.e. one against the other. When love is missing in a relationship that relationship becomes sour it has lost its savor.

Love is like a ‘fire’. When it is ignited it consumes all other forces especially the negative. It is the most powerful force on planet earth. We can say that love is the savor of a relationship. Just consider that salt-less pot of soup, how was it? Your guess is good as mine. That is how a relationship is without love it becomes like a salt-less pot of soup.

What happens when this most powerful force collapse in a relationship? Where there is love people come together and form a united force but where there is no love people go their separate ways i.e. no togetherness. That is what you see when people hate each other. A perfect example is the case of Divorce and Separation or both. Divorce occurs where love fails in a marriage relationship and hate comes in and takes a better chance of the situation.

So when a man beats his wife he no longer sees her as part of himself rather he sees her like a slave or one of those ‘bought properties at home’ e.g. furniture, TV Sets, etc.

He who made them said they become one flesh. Now, can a man beat himself? If we say NO! Each time you beat your wife you beat yourself which is too bad. It is so because you are one flesh with her. Any pains you inflict on her you inflict on yourself because she is one with you.

It is possible to see her so!

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

INHERITED HABIT FROM PARENTS

A

re you a good father or mother? What you do is an example for your off-springs to follow. What you do becomes their first lesson in life that is why it is believed that the family is an agent of civilization. You often hear children say, “My Daddy said he will buy me a car” that child believes absolutely. Even when all circumstance shows that his father could afford it, my child still believes in his daddy to get him that car. Mummy is also correct to their female children even when they know that she is leading them astray.

Children believed more in their parents than adults.  Adults can easily differentiate between good and bad because they have minds or sensibility of their own but children don’t have such. They are copy-cats who copy the good and the bad character and conclude that the good is good and the bad is good as well. Since both come from father and mother.

Their parents are their first teachers as such they believe anything that comes out of them. They see them as the truth they need to know in this life. They see them as agents of socialization and that of civilization they wish to know. They see them above-board that is, as one who can do no wrong that is why they put their complete confidence on them and can report anything to them whether it is positive or negative.

Sometimes ago, I had a close neighbor who always beats his wife at the slightest provocation from her which just saying a simple sorry can solve but in spite of saying I’m sorry he pounced on her and beat her mercilessly. A few days later, we heard from one of their old friends that this man’s father was like that meaning that his father was also a wife-beater too.

He said my late friend was sacked from work for something he knew nothing about as a result of this his situation became very difficult. He could not feed his family well enough as money became a scarce commodity to him and his entire home. His children and wife had a hell of a time this made them beg from people so that they could eat for that day.

One fateful day, Mr. John came home heavily drunk and to unleash terror on his wife whom he felt is the cause of his predicaments. After receiving some pounces from him she fled out into the thick darkness of the night, taking refuge in an uncompleted structure. Some women are really suffering at the hands of some men. When their son grew up he took after his father and the circle goes on and on to the next generation. No wonder certain problems continue for a very long time without solutions they are problems like this where sons take after their fathers thinking that what they are handling down to their off-springs is the best.

He is following after the footsteps of his father the first teacher he ever knew. That is why what you are doing as parents matters a lot your children are copying you. As a father you bring another woman into your matrimonial home in the presence of your son, do you really know what message you are sending to him? Your guess is as good as mine. He’ll grew-up to become a worse womanizer than his father.

If this habit is not checked he will again pass it to his own sons and on and on it goes passing from him to the next generation again. That is how the circle goes on to the next generation and passes beyond till it becomes a norm and the children coming on will see it as a normal thing because it has become a tradition to them.

When a man beats his wife before his children he is teaching them a very bad lesson that they should do the same way to their wives when they get married. The negative lesson taught will produce an unpleasant habit in them. Beating your wife in the presence of your children will breed hatred for the beater in their hearts.

·        Your children will have a strong hate for their father. Ask any wife-beater around you if he is honest with himself he will tell you the truth.

·        They will see their father as a predator and a big enemy to them and their mother and this will divide the home into two factions. That is the children supporting their mother against the father.

·        They will always join their mother to fight back whether she is right or wrong. If that is the case then that man is in a bigger problem than he had imagined.

Beating your wife is no good thing in store for you it only brings you down as a man. You cannot talk comfortably with your friends because you are tagged a ‘Wife Beater’.

Women hate you because you are a terror to them. To Society, you become a misfit and you lose your respect as you cannot control your home.

Nobody will take any advice from you on marital issues what do you have to say?

 

CHAPTER SIX

WHEN LOVE BECOMES HATE

A

s earlier mentioned Love is the pivot that keeps a relationship going for as long as it does exist. If love is missing in a relationship that relationship becomes sour like a sour pot of soup which is not edible to eat by anybody, so is love. Love is the taste of any relationship without it in a relationship that relationship becomes tasteless. A tasteless situation is not palatable for anybody.

It is so sad when love becomes hate. The two persons involved see themselves like two strangers going their separate ways.

There is this story that took place some time ago, where a woman separated her husband because she caught him sleeping with her friend who came to spend her holidays with her. Anita, in an act of bitter revenge, went to her husband’s friend and made this guy heavily drunk with the intention of sleeping with him just to pay her husband back. Two wrongs cannot make it right. A few weeks later, she was reportedly pregnant not by her husband but his friend.

 

That was how they severed their longtime marriage and divorced a once cherished wife. Hate and revenge go together. When you hate you take revenge on anything or person as we have seen above. Both of them hate each other profusely and had to go their separate ways. Why do people assassinate or kill with guns or words of mouth?

When love becomes hate many things go wrong. That is why love is a necessary tool to live with other human beings in this world. When love becomes hate many things go wrong in the community or the world. Let us guard against this.

It is better to love than to hate.

 

CHAPTER SEVEN

SEXUAL URGE

S

ex is what should be enjoyed by both married couple i.e. the man and his wife. It is the oil that keeps a relationship going. It is also seen as a unifying force that brings the man and the woman together intimately. That is why it is often said that it takes two to tangle. It is very important for both couples to agree with themselves before they can do this act.

Her consent is required because she plays a major role too just like the man. Consent is the most important factor here for reasons best known to her. She is a woman with peculiar anatomy and physiology different from yours. Her body makeup may not need what you need at the material time hence she will refuse all your advances. If the man go-ahead to force her against her wish she may term it rape. This is laughable to some men because they believe that a man cannot and can never rape his own wife. They say it is women’s thoughts tending towards a determination to downplay the man. ‘I paid her Bride Price’ the Africans would always say just to remind her of her status.

Wife beating is part and parcel of some men’s orientation because of statements like this ‘I paid her Bride Price’ therefore, she has become my property like one of the furniture at home. If the woman is seen like that then her consent is considered immaterial to him. The man does not care about her feelings whether good or bad he wants to have his way with her whenever he desires with or without her consent.

Well, it is wickedness! If these men cannot put their wife’s feelings into consideration concerning this act. A good man will always consider his wife’s feelings knowing that not all women are the same. Some men are chronic wife beaters when it comes to such matters as sex issues they beat their wives in the dead of the night disturbing sleeping neighbors.

Come to think of it, how well do you know your wife’s sexual problems? Some women suffer from ‘Dyspareunia’ that is, intercourse pain. This can cause problems in a couple’s sexual relationship. In addition to the physically painful sex, there is also the possibility of negative, emotional effects. So the problem should be addressed as soon as it arises.

Do you know whether that is the case with your wife? You need to understand her sexual problems or needs. No one should beat his wife because of sex that behavior is animalistic. We are higher than the animals with wisdom and sensibilities which they don’t have. It is wise for us to use our wisdom in everything we do. What is pleasurable should not cause contention between a couple, if it does then there is no savor thereof.

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

CONCLUSION

M

any would disagree with me and say that the woman desires beating just to correct her essence.  Some would say when she fails to do her house chores then she deserves to be beaten by her husband…. I say no to that! If you beat a woman because she fails to do her house chores then you are indirectly making her your slave or a beast of burden. You are like a man who beats his wife after taking some hard drugs. In fact, there is no reason good enough to beat a woman if you see her as the flesh of your flesh.

Do not reduce her to a beast. You can help her to do the house chores that will not reduce your ego as the man of the house that will portray you as a caring and loving husband worthy to be loved and respected by her. A situation where the husband sits in the living room watching television alone is not too good for you when your wife is battling with cooking nothing stops you from helping her with the cooking so that both of you can finish the cooking in time, eat it, and come to the sitting room and watch the program together. I think that will bring togetherness between both of you.

When a man beats his wife it will bring disunity in the home as they are already seeing themselves like two separate entities or strangers. 

Pride is another factor which should not be named among couple when it exists in a home it makes the man see himself as the ‘boss’ and his wife his subordinate. It means that she must obey each of his instructions whether it is convenient for her or not. When she fails to carry out any of them she becomes a punching bag to the man. Too bad! Your wife is not your subordinate but your co-equal i.e. what you are, is what she is. That is why she is the flesh of your flesh and the bone of your bones.

She is regarded as the ‘weaker’ vessel. What usually obtains here is that she deserves to be cared for by the man who is regarded as the stronger vessel. She deserves TLC i.e. (tender loving care) from him not beating from him. Tender loving care is one language every woman wants to hear from you and not your beating. This may be one of the reasons why a woman leaves her matrimonial home and goes after that man outside who shows her a little care whether he is good or not she may not care about that provided he shows her TLC. That is may also be responsible for some women who go after some known criminals in your community and you wonder why of all people she could be a girlfriend to a criminal. It is because he shows her TLC.

If you know this it will be better for your relationship. I think this is one imperative medicine needed by any woman at all times.

Some men enjoy giving their wives emotional torture rather than beating them physically. That is also worse for a woman as well as the physical beating. Emotional torture is any suffering you subject anybody to that touches the heart of that person. For example, a man can refuse to eat his wife’s food for some minor reasons or when a man refuses to sleep with his wife for the same reasons.

For whatever reason, beating your wife is never an alternative to TLC to rather it shows hate. Where hate exists darkness persists. Where love exists light persists.  When we look at the flip side of the event you will also see a situation where women beat their husbands as well but that is one case in a hundred, to such women, it is bad for whatever reasons they may hold to. No reason is tenable for her too.  Both of you can live peacefully together that is the essence of living as man and wife. Not as enemies!

Beating your wife makes her your slave. She is your equal, not your subordinate or something lesser than you.

Always remember that she is the flesh of your flesh and the bone of your bones. That makes her your equal.

Does that sound correct?

By

Eguriase S. M. Okaka